MTFFL

Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year the Wongs have a baby. The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian, white baby boy. "Congratulations," says the nurse to the new parents. "Well Mr.Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?"

The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, "Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we will name him Sum Ting Wong."

What keeps a dock floating above water? Pier pressure.

Last night, I was frustrated by a mole who was digging up the hill toward the house, leaving a trail of mounds. So I went outside to take the hose and try to wash the mole out of its tunnel. As I left I overheard my daughter, Jennifer, saying, "There goes Dad again,... making fountains out of mole hills."

An Englishman and a citizen of the Czech Republic went on a hunting trip. When they did not return for several days, a search party was sent after them. The party found a he-bear and a she-bear, each with full tummies. Becoming suspicious, they killed the two bears. They cut open the stomach of the she-bear, and found the Englishman. The leader of the party then observed, "You all know what this means--the Czech is in the male."

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth...
the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate. He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

"Give me Bach my wallet," he said, "I'm Baroque."

When you visit the bank, why does endorsing and depositing your check sometimes require a pair of magicians? You need a Penn and Teller.

Kermit the frog is looking to buy a new house. Unfortunately, he has no money, so he goes to a bank to get a loan. He walks in and is referred to Ms. Lack, who deals with home loans. He sits down and explains that he needs to buy a house but has no money, and needs a loan.

"So, can I get a loan, Ms. Lack?" asks Kermit.
"Oh, call me Patti," she says. "Well, do you have any collateral?"
"Um, no, but my father is Keith Richards," Kermit responds.
"Excuse me?" Patti asks, confused.
"Yeah, it's a long story, but does that help?" says Kermit.
"Well, no, are you sure you don't have anything for collateral?" she asks again.
"Actually, I may have something." Kermit pulls out a little trinket from his pocket and shows it to Patti. "Will this work?"
"Er, what is it?" asks Ms. Lack. "Nevermind, let me go talk to my manager."

Patti goes to her manager and explains the situation to him, and asks whether she should give him the loan. She then pulls out the trinket and asks him, "So what is this, anyway?"

The manager responds, "It's a knick-knack, Patti Lack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

A man incarcerated in a mental ward in England recently escaped. Apparently he slipped out of his room, hid in the laundry, and attacked the maid in the laundry before making his escape from the building.

The headline in the newpaper the next day:

NUT SCREWS WASHER AND BOLTS!!

After the wife of a well-known swindler had had her kitchen remodelled and asked her husband how to pay the contractor, he said, "Give him some of that new money I've just printed. After all... he's a counter fitter."